Mr. Michaels, 

I am so pleased you have found your way to this page, as it contains material specifically for you. Below you will find sketches that are impractical to produce on my current budget. If you are interested in producing any of these sketches, please go to the "About" page and fill out the form there. I will respond to you at my earliest possible convenience. 

All the best,

Liz

HOARDERS - Buried at Sea

Liz Haag

Ext. marina - day

Intense music. RUTH, a middle aged woman in business casual dress speaks directly to the camera. Under her image the words: "Ruth - Addiction Therapist" are typed out along with the typewriter sound effect.

RUTH

This week we're visiting Barbara. Since her divorce in 2003, Barbara has been living on her own, largely isolated from the outside world. 

MARTY, cleaning specialist, wearing a branded bright blue shirt that says "Dirt Dishers" addresses the camera interview style. 

MARTY

My crew and I are here to help Barbara keep her home. 

Typewriter title at bottom of screen "MARTY: CLEANING SPECIALIST" - The following is spoken over images of piles of garbage - Barbara's hoards.

Marty

She's been hoarding all kinds of things from driftwood to shells and bottles with messages in them. What's unique about Barbara is that she lives on a boat.

Wide shot of Barbara standing on her 18' boat as it bobs up and down tied to a dock surrounded by piles of crap on the deck and floating in the water. She stares blankly at the shore. Under her image types out: "Barbara - Lives on Boat" Ominous music. Title stamped onto the screen. 

SUPER: HOARDERS - BURIED AT SEA

DANATHAN, Barbara's adult son speaks to the camera. Typewriter Title: Danathan - Barbara's Son.

DANATHAN

My mother has had a problem my whole life. But I had no idea how bad it had gotten. Plus, now she lives on a boat so that's not great.

Int: BOAT - DAY

Shot of Danathan walking into the boat with piles around him, Ruth and Barbara are there. 

RUTH

Danathan, is there anything you'd like to say to your mother about why you are here today?

DANATHAN

Mom, I love you. And you're boat's going to sink.

He breaks down crying.

TYPEWRITER: BOAT IS GOING TO SINK

EXT. AFT DECK - DAY

MARTY

I tend to see a lot of structural damage in my line of work. Usually we see water coming through the roof, but in this case, we have water coming through the floor. 

Shot of water spouting through a hole on the floor cartoon whale blow hole style. Barbara stares blankly. 

RUTH

Barbara, are you willing to get rid of some things so that your boat doesn't sink?

Barbara stares blankly but intensely at a pile of anchors.

RUTH

You need 43 anchors? That seems very heavy for a small boat. 

EXT: DECK - DAY

Interview.

MARTY

There's a lot of denial here. And a lot of nets. 

DANATHAN

She swears that some day she'll catch a mermaid.

Barbara sits at the side of the boat frantically tossing nets in an attempt to catch a mermaid. 

MARTY

Have you ever actually tried to catch a mermaid?

Barbara does not like this comment. 

INT: BOAT - DAY

Everyone is scrambling and panicking in the small hull of the ship. 

Everyone

Lobesters! Lobesters!

The entire area is just crawling with lobsters. 

RUTH

This is an infestation. The place is crawling with lobsters. It's just not sanitary.

EXT: DECK - DAY

RUTH

We have reason to believe Barbara thinks she's a pirate.

Handheld shot as they find a new room on the boat. It is set up like a captains quarters. There is a gold throne and piles of dabloons. Pretty much everything is gold.

MARTY

This is way to heavy for this boat. 

Barbara walks in, realizes she's been found out - turns around and makes a run for it. Danathan is bawling. 

EXT. MARINA - DAY

They all stand around.

MARTY

I was worried about Barbara's safety and the safety of my crew, so we're all ashore until animal control arrives. And also this boat is going to sink. 

We hear a motor a start. The camera swings around to see Barbara sailing away in a pirate hat, standing Captain Morgan style, pointing onward. 

MARTY

Well, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Has anyone seen Raquel? 

We hear a toilet flush, and RAQUEL a member of the cleaning crew steps out onto deck. Realizes what is happening and panics. She locks eyes with Barbara, who slowly nods. Ominous music. SUPER: HOARDERS - BURIED AT SEA